


everything heals

by cloudwisp



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Catharsis, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 09:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14516982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudwisp/pseuds/cloudwisp
Summary: "These cuts will scab over, they will become scars, a part of him...Things will always heal and it'll be time to try again. Everything heals, everything heals... One day it'll be better."





	everything heals

**Author's Note:**

> this is a cathartic piece i wrote while trying not to relapse, this isn't a promotion or romanticised version of something very real and damaging
> 
> if u do read this, please let the thing u take away be this: everything heals, everything heals, everything will heal, i promise
> 
> im a year and nine months clean currently, u can do it too
> 
> please don't read this if it will trigger u, i just needed to get it out of my phone's notes

Eren scrunched up his face, the blade across his skin felt like the best kind of relief.

As the blood drips down his thigh he watches, entranced. The sensation as it runs across his skin almost tickles. Forgotten is his blinding panic, too many emotions to name all at once. He feels his breathing even out.. Calm, Eren, calm...

He brings the blade across his skin in shallow, plentiful gashes. The feeling of relief floods across him and the blood drips to the bathroom floor. With each drop on the tiles, he breathes in deeply, and out again when the next colours white to red.

It's this coping mechanism that he so wishes to leave behind him, yet it keeps dragging him back in, as he drags the blade over flesh. Biting yet somehow soothing.

The violence he inflicts upon himself is somehow the most gentle part of his day, the part where his brain slows down. Those emotions that bring his body trembling with the need to let go, they flow within his blood. Eren feels a sense of peace as they're released from his veins. 

People don't understand what it means to self harm, what it means to draw blood from your own body. To Eren it means he can finally feel free from his blinding panic, no longer chained to the dizziness of so many emotions buzzing within his head, thrumming along his bloodstream.

Once he's done, he places the blade onto a bed of toilet roll. He watches as the blood seeps into the paper, it blooms and spreads across the sheets. 

Eren takes a few extra pieces and places it over his thigh, watching the same process take place before he cleans his wounds with dutiful care.

If he takes care of his body once the damage is done, he feels a sense of security. Its okay, it'll be okay.

These cuts will scab over, they will become scars, a part of him. Just as these thoughts, his struggles... They will leave him some day, but will always leave a mark. A memory of how things were in moments like these, but a reminder of how things aren't the same anymore. 

Things will always heal and it'll be time to try again. Everything heals, everything heals... One day it'll be better.

**Author's Note:**

> one day it'll be better, ur strong


End file.
